Having a baby makes me want to have another baby, which is bonkers but there it is.
Something about how fast they grow at this age, how quickly they change, how every month I’m acutely aware of the passage of time– it all makes me feel a giddy sense of urgency like, “WE NEED TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY BECAUSE THIS ONE IS BASICALLY GROWN UP ALREADY.” I felt this way with Simeon and now it’s happening all over again with Franny. I mean, she can hold her own head up, for gosh sakes. She’s going to be getting her learner’s permit like, TOMORROW and heavens-to-Betsy have you seen the way she reaches for that crinkly elephant toy? We might as well start the college application process now. I’m going to miss her so much when she moves away. I should probably cry about it. And get pregnant, STAT…
Obviously this is insanity and if I were to actually get pregnant right now I think my head would spontaneously explode in a freak anxiety-related catastrophe, but that doesn’t stop me from telling Greg as I groggily fall asleep each night… “Let’s have another baby, mmkay?”
Since I’m pretty sure Greg will in no way go for that idea, I’ve come up with an alternative baby-having plan that involves getting a bun out of ye olde oven every 3 years, exactly. Here’s why this plan is the smartest:
- Three years after his or her birth, your darling baby will turn into a terrible-horrible-no-good-very-bossy monster. It’s just fact. The “terrible threes” are a real thing, people. The so called “terrible twos” are possibly the greatest American conspiracy in recorded history. Fear the threes. The twos are nothing.
- Long days with your three-year-old may leave you feeling disrespected and frustrated. You may think your child cares nothing for your wishes (you’re right) and that they have all out rejected your authority (they have). You may want to eat all the cookies and drink all the chocolate syrup but…
- Enter the NEW BABY. This new baby listens to you and laughs at all your jokes. This new baby thinks you are the living end, the bees knees, the pinnacle of cool. Sometimes, when your threenager is being particularly difficult, you will look at your new baby and whisper softly, “At least I have you my darling…“
- A few years later this darling baby will turn three. (see #2)
- Enter the NEW BABY.
- And so on. And so on. And so on.
Obviously, to keep this plan up I’ll have to have babies forever.
DON’T MIND IF I DO.
**NOTE: It would be remiss of me not to mention that three-year-olds have their own moments of charm spread out sporadically during the day. Simeon is especially lovely when I wake him up in the morning and he lets me crawl into bed with him and he squeezes me around the neck and says “Mommy… mommy… mommy” quietly in my ear. If I could bottle his affection and sell it online, I would make an absolute killing. #lovehimforever**
Anyone else get baby fever WHEN they have a baby? Am I a complete weirdo?