I’m still here.
Did that sound dramatic? It probably sounded dramatic. I’m sorry.
I don’t mean it like, “I’m still here (even though everything is terrible and I’m crying).”
And I don’t mean it like “I’m still here (even though my world is rocked by unimaginable personal tragedy).”
What I mean is, “I’m still here (even though I haven’t been writing much — ahem… at all — but it’s not because I’m trapped under the world’s biggest slice of cake or because something awful has happened– I’m just doing other fun stuff right now, k?).”
I’ve gotten some very kind emails and comments from folks wondering where I’ve been and if everything is alright. I know that sometimes bloggers disappear and then return with shocking stories about personal tragedy or taking time off to find their way or looking inward and la-dee blah blah blah. This is not one of those posts.
I stopped writing because I didn’t feel like writing so I didn’t write.
I wanted a break. Also I was spending WAY too much time online and that made me feel gross. Some people might say that when a writer hits this sort of mental block, she should push through, keep writing, exercise that creative muscle! Me? I say pooh-pooh to that. If forcing yourself to write (and post and then tell social media about it) suddenly sounds about as appealing as learning to juggle using live squids, then maybe it’s time to do other stuff instead. Fun stuff.
Here’s a list of fun stuff I’ve been doing:
- Reading gosh darn books (I am a librarian for crying out shhhh <— heh heh… get it?).
- Listening to the cast recording of Hamilton (again and again and again infinity… Werk <— this should actually be listed as the number one reason that I haven’t been writing because listening to Hamilton is a full-time job/joy/obsession).
- Trying to keep my succulents alive (seriously though, someone needs to tie my hands behind my back so that I stop trying to water them– HOW ARE THEY NOT THIRSTY???).
- Watching Stranger Things with my husband (so now I maybe have a fear of christmas lights).
- Hanging out with my kids and not stressing about how much writing I “should” be doing. Because “should” is the dirtiest of dirty words.
I’ve also been thinking (soul searching?) about this blog in general. I want to be sure that I’m using this space to share our family’s experiences while also respecting the privacy of my son. It’s not that I’ve done such a bad job so far but the boy is getting older. He’ll be in elementary school before you can say Jack Robinson. His friends will know how to Google– so will he– and he probably would appreciate me NOT talking about every little feeling he has or physical issue he’s dealing with for all the internet to read. That doesn’t mean I won’t write about disability and parenting but maybe I’ll need to write a little differently? I want to make sure I’m using this space wisely. For him and for me and for all you lovely people out there, too.
Anyway, that’s what I meant when I said “I’m still here.” I considered getting super cryptic and just posting those three words, leaving you to guess at my mental state, but I decided against it. Now I’m kinda regretting my choice to explain further. Everyone loves a mystery.
If I’m still here, what about you? Give me some things to add to my list of “fun stuff I’ve been doing.” Books to read? Music to check out? Wheelchair costumes to design??? What floated your boat this summer?