Today is our day.
On this day, our daughter will be born. She will be tiny and pink. She will be quiet and loud. She will be so very real– as if she had always been. As if our life before was filled with whispers of her. As if we had known all along. Even though we didn’t– not really.
She is someone new.
On this day, I will become a mother again. I will be starting at the beginning and hoping I remember how this works. I will relearn and regroup. I will see that this time is different– as each new life is different. As she is learning me and I am learning her.
I am someone new.
On this day, three years ago, my husband and I sat in a tiny noiseless office. We were numbed by fear and silenced in the midst of chaos. We suffocated in air grown thick with unfamiliar words and unfamiliar people. We learned that our little boy was not the one we had planned for and that plans are best left to the One who writes the story– the One who sees the end from the beginning.
Our son became someone new– so did we.
At the time, I feared we would never be right again– or that this change would break us somehow. I didn’t know how quickly broken things can be rebuilt. I didn’t know deeply love can run or how fiercely joy will make its presence known.
On January 20th, 2012, the three of us became new together.
On January 20th, 2015, the four of us will do the same.
Today is our day for becoming someone new.
Today is our day for becoming.
Today is our day.
(( January 20th is a big day for our family. When your child is diagnosed with Spina Bifida, you never forget diagnosis day. It sticks with you as this strange lingering memory that feels like a combination of awful and wonderful. Awful in its earth-shaking, life-changing, heartbreaking remembrance. Wonderful in that we now see all the ways, big and small, that that day changed us for the better. And, it is inextricably tied to a little boy we adore When my doctor told me she was available on January 20th should we decide to schedule a c-section, it felt like a lovely coincidence. It seemed meant to be. I’ve always been torn between my desire to celebrate and my desire to mourn on this day. What better way to mark it as a day of celebration? Our daughter will be here soon. Our son will be a brother. My husband and I couldn’t be more excited. Thank you for your continued prayers and good thoughts. I’ll update when I can! ))
All photos by Katelyn Metzger Photography
(Katelyn is the bees knees and her work is absolutely lovely. You can check out our first family photo shoot HERE— back when Simeon was the biggest chunk of baby love ever! Look her up if you’re local.)