I am drowning, you guys.
I wish I could say I was drowning in love, or pudding, or a whiskey river– but, no. I’m drowning in overdue notices. Lots and lots of overdue notices.
Yes, my friends. It’s that time of year again. The time of year when school librarians prowl the halls, naughty list in hand, tracking down delinquents. My prey is both cunning and cute, running through the same old laundry list of excuses and evading my questions like a flock of Pinocchioes under pressure.
“I think my cousin has that book, Mrs. Smith…”
“My dog chewed it all up, Mrs. Smith…”
“I’ve never even heard of that book, Mrs. Smith. This must be some sort of mistake. Perhaps a clerical error…”
During the last days before summer break, when sitting at my desk riddled with sorrow and wondering if I’ll ever see my dear sweet books ever again, I get a little bit… desperate.
You may recall last year when desperation led me to record and blast THIS lovely parody over the PA system during morning announcements. It worked (the library return bin was brimming with books I swore I’d never see again) but not well enough because this year’s naughty list is just as long, if not longer, than the year before. To lure the books back, I instituted a week of “Reading in the Dark,” complete with flashlights and cozy reading corners, but even this genius incentive made but a miniscule dent in the growing monstrosity that is my overdue list.
Desperate times call for desperate parodies.
So, this past week I locked the library doors, enlisted my teacher friends and student pals, sang my heart out, and got down to desperate business.
Today the entire school will see this. Let’s hope those books come back. I’m serious, kids. No more Mrs. Nice-Librarian… (j/k. I’m always nice. #pushover)
All About Them Books (a parody for desperate librarians)